As a British citizen, I would like to launch an open invitation to all Romanians and Bulgarians to come to Britain.

Don’t wait until next year when you will be free to work in any job you want.

Book your ticket now.

Why? Because I would like to thank our east European friends for all the great things they have done for Britain.

Us Brits have it bad. We are in a triple-dip recession. Unemployment is high. Our Government is torn apart over Europe. Our economy is dependent on two sources of job creation – the Olympics and Game of Thrones. And the Olympics are over!

But at least we can be thankful for Romanians and Bulgarians.

We need you to work in our factories, schools, hospitals and ports. How do I know this? Because nearly everyone employing Romanians and Bulgarians in Britain are British companies, British citizens and the British state. If they didn’t want Romanians and Bulgarians as their employees, they could stop hiring them. No one is forcing you to steal our jobs. We want our own jobs to be stolen.

But what about those awful Romanian and Bulgarian beggars on the streets of our great cities? Us Brits must want them. How do I know? Because we keep giving them money. We love buying the Big Issue from Bulgarians. It’s something fun to do in our lunch hour. If we stopped throwing coins at them, they wouldn’t be here.

What about those poor prostitutes? Well – it’s us who need the comfort of an east European whore for twenty minutes to relieve our marital distress. If we didn’t want a Romanian girl, we would simply say ‘nu, multumesc, nu vreau sex cu tine. Vreau o englezoaica’. We would stick with the English ladies of the night – when it comes to sexual exploitation and an indirect support of human trafficking, we would buy British!

We must be thankful for Romanians and Bulgarians who come to our country an